The Invincible Youth

One of the characteristics of youth is the feeling of invincibility. Experts often point to this feeling when trying to explain why teenagers do stupid things that could get them killed. I'm surprised, though, as to why that feeling is only associated with youth. I am thirty-two and I still feel invincible. When do you no longer feel like you will live forever? At what age do you truly understand that you are mortal, with a limited amount of time, and change your behavior?

While I logically know I will probably die one day (depending on when the Lord returns) I still don't feel like I will die. I still feel eternal. I don't think I have come to grips with my mortality. Often motivational speakers will indulge their audience in some exercise to assist them in to prompt them to realize what is really important by asking them what activities or things they would change if they knew they would die in some arbitrary, but limited time.

While I have not recently attended a seminar, I am thinking about death and mortality because of two events that are currently taking place in my life. First, I was called yesterday and informed by Mom that my maternal grandmother had been rushed to the hospital because she had been found collapsed in her home. Over many calls, I learned that she is not a good condition after having suffered a brain-stem stroke. While she is stable, she is also not doing well and may die at any moment.

Then, today at lunch I got a call from my father-in-law who told me that my wife's maternal grandfather had passed away this morning. Today is also the anniversary of my maternal grandfather's death in 1989. Death is all around me. At the same time, I am parenting a six-month old and a 21 month old and their vitality, zest for life, and complete lack of comprehension of that which is tearing at mine and my wife's hearts seems to keep me from getting too melancholy. I realize that I should be re-evaluating my life and reconsidering my priorities, but I still feel as if I will live forever and that death is so far away for me. I still feel invincible.

I wonder if this feeling is normal. I also wonder if my faith exaggerates my "non-mortality" feelings. The truth is that while my body may pass on someday, the essence of who I am is eternal and will live on. Am I getting the contentment of being immortal confused with the feeling of invincibility? This fact is also why I have no fear for my grandma. I am confident that a better life awaits her on the other side. I am sure that Erin's grandfather is now resting safely in the "bosom of Abraham" awaiting the rewards of Heaven. I must wonder how this conviction affects my perception of my own mortality.