Avenue for Doubt

We've had a wild weekend. Through a series of circumstances I ended up in the emergency room with Gary, my father-in-law, on Friday night. Gary has battled cancer for quite sometime. In 2001 he had his prostate removed because of cancer. In 2006 he was diagnosed with lung cancer, despite the fact that he has never been a smoker. He was treated with chemotherapy and had one lobe of his right lung removed.

Earlier this year a PET scan revealed that cancer was once again in his right lung. He had surgery and the doctor removed his entire right lung and the biopsy showed it to be a different type of lung cancer than the kind he had dealt with last year.

On Friday night, the ugly beast of cancer reared its head once more as a CT-Scan revealed that he had a tumor the size of a peach on his brain. His wife was up visiting his other daughter in TN and Erin was at home with the kids when the news came. I called them all to inform them that the the doctors had made it clear that we were seeing Gary's last days.

They moved him from the ER to the ICU. Hope had her other son-in-law drive her down from Tennessee throughout the night to arrive at the hospital at 4:30. Erin and I spent all night at the hospital. Brooke left Sat. Morn and arrived by noon on Saturday.

On Saturday, Gary's good friend and local neurologist, Dr. Epperson came by and visited and looked at the CT-Scan and agreed that the tumor was fatal and lethal and that he had only a little time left. We spent all day Saturday at the hospital. My parents drove into Montgomery on Saturday. They took the kids up to St. Louis on Sunday AM.

On Sunday AM before church Dr. Epperson came by the hospital to counsel Gary to spend his last days with dignity. Immediately after that conversation the results of the MRI became available and showed that the tumor was not nearly as large as was being displayed on the CT Scan. It was the size of a golf ball and the swelling associated with it had reduced by over half.

The doctors tried to explain the disparity between the results of the CT-Scan and the results of the MRI as being technical in nature. The CT-Scan technology does not allow for clear delineation between the tumor and the swelling caused by the tumor. Basically, saying that they had just mis-read the results of the CT Scan.

I have a problem with this though, because I heard the ER doctor say that the tumor on the CT Scan was 8 cm and then there was additional swelling. The hospitalist I talked to on Friday explained what the CT Scan was showing to Erin and me on Friday night and she too talked about the tumor as being the size of a tangerine and then there being swelling, speaking of the two as different entities. On Saturday when Dr. Epperson took us aside to make us aware of what he saw, he never mentioned swelling as part of the size of the tumor, but only spoke of the tumor in the size of 8 cm. Radiologists, oncologists, and neurosurgeons all also looked at the CT scan and they all reported the same thing, an 8 cm tumor. There were too many expert eyes viewing the scan for me to accept the "misread" theory.

Erin and I are convinced that God shrunk the tumor between the two tests. See, the 8 cm tumor was inoperable and no cure was available. There were treatments that were possible, but the side effects of those compared to the benefit (i.e., they might extend his life a couple months) made them almost insane to try. However, a 2.9 cm tumor is treatable and curable.

Gary had been praying the entire time he was in ICU for 10 more years. Every pastor that came to see him (and there were many) he reiterated his request. While we the family had given up, Gary sought solace in the power of faithful men lifting him before God. I believe that God granted his request. God's mind was changed. God shrunk the tumor.

You might ask, "Why not just take it away completely?" You might say, "The situation was never that bad, the CT Scan had just been read." I think this is because God wants us to choose to have faith, therefor, He gives us avenues of doubt. We each have a choice to make when confronted with the story of Gary. We can either choose to walk down the path of doubt and accept the "experts'" opinions of technical difficulties, or we can choose to walk down the path of faith and glorify God his for answer to prayer.

It is not just semantics. It is child-like faith vs. adult disbelief in the power of God. As a matter of fact, some people think that Erin and I are simple for acceptance of this miracle. We just don't understand how God works, they say. God caused the misread is their avenue for giving God control. I think that if God can cause a misread, He can certainly reduce a tumor in 48 hours.

I am reminded of a story when Jesus tells his disciples that unless they have childlike faith, they will never enter the kingdom of heaven. My wife has an amazing ability to always have a childlike faith. I struggle there and want to rationalize God's working too. However, I think of these passages and then ignore my rational and accept that God is powerful and in control.

Gary's recovery is enough of a miracle that you can choose to believe that God's hand directly intervened and give Him glory, if you choose. But not so much of a miracle that there is no room for doubt. If you want to choose to believe in human hands and human error, you can. God always leaves an avenue open for doubt.

Now that the tumor is small, it can be treated. Gary is heading up to UAB this morning to have a procedure called Gamme Knife Radiation surgery. I am convinced that it will work and Gary will be healed and I believe whole-heartedly that the healing has nothing to do with the power or technology of man. I refuse to walk down the Avenue of Doubt.