I just realized that last Sunday was my Small Group's one year annivessary. We have spent a great year together and have grown since those first 4 families. We now regularly have 7-8 families (if we grow anymore than we will need to multiply into two groups). In that year we have studied Revelation for 33 weeks, had a few weeks off here and there, as well as have suspended our study of Revelation at the leading of the Spirit to deal with pressing issues. For instance, one Sunday Night the conversation steered away from the text to personal struggles everyone was having. We spent the rest of the night just confessing what each of us was dealing with and followed that by the laying on of hands and praying over each and every member. Another week we were really experiencing Satan attacking the relationships of almost every married couple in our group as well as attacking the relationships between group members. We took a Sunday night to look how we could protect our relationships from his attack, air out the dirty laundry, and pray for love, acceptance, and forgiveness among our members.
Our small group rocks and I wouldn't change it for the world. This quarter one of our Sunday School classes is covering the topic of truly connecting with each other because the teacher's premise is that most small groups don't really foster the heart-to-heart connections that are necessary for life-changing ministry to happen. I was so pleased to hear that our small group members spoke up in class saying that while they had experienced that same behavior in Small Groups before, the one they were in now was completely different. I have to agree with them. It is the best Small Group I've ever been and I thank God for bringing us together.
Since this is a success, for some strange (prideful-??) reason I feel a need to give other Small Group leaders some advice. First, I am not an expert on Small Groups. As a matter of fact, I think it is important to state that this small group is the third or fourth small group I have tried to lead and the only one that has had a long term, positive impact on its members. Therefore, I would encourage Small Group leaders who have "failed" in leading a small group to try, try again. There are so many variables that make a small group and I assure you that if you keep trying, you will hit upon a "formula" that works for your personality, your small group members, and your group's spiritual needs.
Next, it takes an absolutely awesome wife. This small group would not be working if it weren't for Erin's dedication to the group. Besides the mundane (but necessary) tasks of cleaning house, preparing food, and playing hostess week after week she also serves as an emotional and spiritual thermometer that keeps me in tune with the group. I tend to be more studious and text based. Erin is more emotionally based and she keeps me grounded in the people. Also, Erin is not afraid to ask questions and press me for a deeper understanding when I am glossing over a passage. I know that if she is confused, then so are others. There is a definite partnership between her and me.
I think another characteristic of our small group that has let us succeed is that we dove into a book that required a long-term commitment. We have been studying the same thing for over year. This study has been anchor to keep us coming together for the amount of time it has taken to cement the relationships. Sure, the small group is tired of the book of Revelation now and is hastening me to finish it...but it takes a long time to get the point where the relationships are the reason to come together instead of the study. I think so many small groups fail because they don't have a clear, long-term plan...so the sessions spiral into confusion and people go away disappointed.
Also, it takes preparation time. I usually spend 1-2 hours a week preparing for a small group session. This kind of relates to what I was just saying in the paragraph above. Unprepared leaders end up taking some kind of easy route when everyone comes together. They end up just filling up time instead of filling up people. Part of that time is in prayer for the small group and small group members.
Along with prep-time, it also takes time outside of your regularly scheduled small group time. We have done movie nights and game nights. I remember one Friday night where we all met a restaurant in Montgomery for dinner together (that was pre-Noah...Erin and I have only be out once with both babies). When Hunter Hills had its Men's Retreat in August, all the ladies had a sleep-over/hair-dying party at our house. Some of the members of our group exercise together. We have group emails regularly. We experimented with a small group blog (it didn't work out that well...email works better for us). I remember we spent a couple of weeks showering certain members of the small group who were going through particularly difficult times with gifts/visits for an entire week. I don't think it really matters what you do, the key is just to have "through the week" interactions.
As I am re-reading this, I am seeing exactly how and why this group has succeeded where others of mine have failed in the past. Before you go thinking that I had planned a small group that had those characteristics mentioned, let me assure you that I did not. My initial reaction to re-reading those characteristics was "Hmmm...isn't that neat how we just kind of fell into doing the right things." But that is not the case. God crafted those things, not me, not our group. We were just sensitive enough to do them. We did not have a plan, but God did. That is probably the biggest characteristic that has made our group work and that is we relied on God to bring us together and grow us close to each other.
So... What's in store for this coming year? I don't know. We will finish up the book of Revelation. Then, I think we are going to do a Marriage and Family section for 2 or three months. After that, I have been asked to do a course on Spiritual Warfare. I am also interested in doing another textual study, perhaps the book of Genesis this time. Of course, what we study is probably the least important part of our Small Group. As we look forward to our next year together, I can only pray that God will continue to work in us and on us. It is my fervent prayer that we stay sensitive to His leadings and that we are truly committed to each other, that we are church to one another.
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